What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
