At least make sure they are 18
Why
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
