i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
