Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
