it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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