Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
