i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
