laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
