I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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