hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
