Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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