So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
