There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
