FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
