If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Vodka?
Forever.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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