im having a threesome with these popsicles
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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