Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize