I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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