Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Pants are for mortals
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
