and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
