is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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