So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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