That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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