How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Another day, another engagement, another cat
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
