I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i dont even know how to be here
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
