I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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