He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
