Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize