She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Randomize