Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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