people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
