so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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