I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
