I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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