I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
