I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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