Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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