Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
