OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
