12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
