dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm passing your future prison.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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