i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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