apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
