That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
