Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
