I wannas sexs uuuuu
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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