Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize