Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
