it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
