I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
