our cab driver is having phone sex.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
