sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
