he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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