It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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