i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
