im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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