FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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