just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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