I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
