i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
