Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
