Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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