Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
