Kiss
Puke
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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