I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
