I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
How's work?
Spinning.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
