My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
