She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
