So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Less talking, more tequila
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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