let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
