I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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