Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
