I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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