I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
