At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
