Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
