would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
