she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
