I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
