thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I have feelings that need drinking.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
