Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
