I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
