So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
