You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize