That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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