nut hugger
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
