There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
