did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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