Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Randomize
